oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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