Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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