What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
