I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
