hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just puked most of my soul out..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
