It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize