I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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