Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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