hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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