So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
