The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
