yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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