Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
