I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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