It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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