did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
