just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize