I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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