You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize