and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
