i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
