How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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