How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
