So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
