I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
