guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
