Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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