i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
