It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
