Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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