So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she told me i tasted like america
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
