I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
