Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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