I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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