Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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