i already hear my dad disowning me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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