this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize