:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
