Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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