let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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