Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
