New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
