At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
