someone get that fucking seahorse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
