apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
