i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize