What a fucking waste of an outfit
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
