I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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