apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
