He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
