Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
