I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
