Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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