No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
