I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize