She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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