I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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