it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
