i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
