Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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