You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize