Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize