I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
