When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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